[ Sniffs ]
[ Man ] Here, at the London Plaza Theater,
we are privileged to be watching...
a very special demonstration cut today, ladies and gentlemen.
Raymond Robertson.
[ Applause ] [ Coughing ]
Last year's winner of the British Hairdressing Championships.
And the year before that, and since I'm counting,
Perm of the Year Award 1978 and '79.
Redken Salon of the Century runner-up, 1995.
International Team Member, Helsinki Women's Blow Dry, 1998.
Raymond Robertson.
Gentlemen, ladies.
I have an announcement to make...
that will change the face of this town forever.
Something of a coup.
That's with a "P", Stanley, if I say so myself. [ Clears Throat ]
Let's hear it for London's own, Ray Robertson !
[ Applause, Cheering ]
Bravo ! Ladies and gentlemen,
today, as the president...
of the British Hair Federation,
Well done. I am proud to announce...
the lucky town which will play host...
to this year's championship...
is...
Keighley !
As Lord Mayor of the town of Keighley,
I am proud to announce that from a long list of competitors,
our hometown has been chosen to host--
wait for it--
this year's British Hairdressing Championships.
Come again ?
This year's British Hairdressing Championships.
[ Camera Shutters Clicking ]
I'm sorry. It does that sometimes.
Well, is that it then ? Hairdressing ? Hold the back page, lads.
- Now, lads. - That's just crap.
Come on, boys. This competition's gonna change the face of this town.
Ungrateful bastards. You'll be sorry.
Tony, can anyone enter ?
No. Professionals only.
I am a professional.
Time to wake up, love.
[ Groaning ] [ Alarm Clock Beeping ]
How many times ? Bloody dirty boots downstairs.
[ Alarm Clock Continues Beeping ]
[ Weakly ] Tea. In the pot.
Shelley !
Good luck, love.
[ Whistles ]
[ Man ] No, not a chance, Tony. Come on, Phil, lad.
Chance to add to the silverware. No.
You're joking me.
You're not gonna enter ? King of the bloody scissors.
Mr. Numero Uno.
Keep still, will ya ? I'll have your ear off.
And you needn't look so bloody interested.
Well, I can't help hearing, can I ?
It's team cutting, you know. Think of it, Phil.
Father-and-son team. Brian's on for it.
Listen, I did competitions for ten years, and that were ten years too many.
I'm a barber. He's a barber. End of story.
Short back and sides, and you're out on your arse.
- We could walk it, Dad. - Enough.
[ Siren Wailing ]
[ Knock On Door ] Come in.
Hello.
Mrs. Birkett. Shelley.
Robert.
Why don't I start ? Pardon ?
I'll kick off, shall I ? Right.
See if I can remember it all.
Ah, yes.
There are a number of ways we can proceed.
Obviously there's another course of chemotherapy,
though this would be your-- what is it now--
third course in as many years.
It looks like someone in the remission department's trying to tell you something there.
Then, there's the bone marrow donor transplant option,
which, as we know, is about as likely as the pope on a pogo stick.